Planning of the obsessive long-term kind.

The Past

I pride myself on my ability to actually complete plans. It is the hallmark of my tenacity. I have successfully completed 6 month, 1 year, 3 year, 5 year and 10 year plans. Personal plans and business plans. I started when I was 26. All of my planning focused on not having to rely on other people because, at that time, reliance on anything external was bound to fail. I kept those plans because I needed to feel successful.

I made more plans. And I kept them too. School, travel, memorizing poems, giant sculptures, moving, performing in the street, reaching monetary goals. All kept and more.

As I became adept at realizing plans and goals, I started playing games with myself about how many things I could accomplish over time. They don’t make money (in fact they often cost money), but they are satisfying. I make things, I agitate and cajole people, I improve myself (or whatever), I age with a conscious approach to the capacities of my new being. And I am no longer that wary of plans that require the work of others. In fact, I have spent considerable effort on how to be a professional project planner to encompass the efforts of teams and communities. Those projects mostly do make money, but they are dependent on leadership that doesn’t suck and adequate resources. I won’t ever undervalue the need for redundancy for when people fail, but I also don’t undervalue the amazingness of when they succeed.

The Present

Now I am facing the need to realize a plan that I have held on to for about 10 years. I will have to manifest this plan soon and I need to make room for it. It depends on the life and liveliness of another person and they are old. Not even faded, just old. Ground. Grinding (at least that is the noise I hear when I hug them or wipe the counter or pull away out of the drive and wave at them). I have no idea what will replace the grinding noise, but I do know that it will take my concerted attention.

That is why I am dedicating at least some portion of this unemployed time to up the skills. Skills I will need to accomplish the task. Mostly that means writing and writing better.